This is big. Tetra big. Blue Whale Big. Largest Proboscid Big.

Arsenal, 9 days before the start of the season, has finally landed Nobody From Nowhere (NFN). A fantastic player who can play as a shadow striker, an attacking midfielder, a deep-lying midfielder and even as a Center Back if he plays. He hardly plays, in fact, he never plays. The player was signed from Atlantis, the legendary Greek Island. His first trainer/mentor Plato had a few words about the signing –

“Nobody is a terrific player. Whenever he plays for his team, which he never does, he gives his all. ALL!”

Arsene Wenger was delighted with the transfer too, he had a thing or two to say about Nobody too –

“We have reached an agreement to bring in Nobody. I had first seen him in my dreams when he was an infant. He had caught my eyes immediately. We add a top top quality player to the team. We had promised to cover all areas of the pitch with quality signings. We managed to do that with just one signing with the money acquired from selling Morry Chamakh to C*** Palace”

Our Sources at AtTheEmirates tells us that C*** Palace paid 14 jars of jelly beans and tartar sauce for the purchase of the greatest Moroccan that ever played football in the last 3 years. We won’t make any further comments on such a delicate matter.

We managed to catch up with Arsenal players to hear their comments about the sensational signing of Nobody From Nowhere.

Arteta – “Excuse me? Who? Nobody? Da Faq?”

Wilshere – “This is tit mental. The boss has lost it.”

Giroud – “I am sure he will improve the squad when is played though I have heard that he is never played. Yeah, that’s all I was told by my agent to speak” “Oops, the mic was ON, Haha!”

Szczczczczcesny – “Gah! You ain’t Nobody until you are somebody! Mann..this shit is strong”

Podolski – “Niemand?  Welche?”

Theo – “Maite, I don’t care if anybody or nobody or somebody is signed maite! I am committed to scoring 25 goals this season maite. I want to play as a central striker maite!”

Its clear that the players are quite confused as to where he will play and thereby the disappointment. We are waiting for further news on this player Nobody. Nobody has ever heard of Nobody. In fact, Nobody has ever seen Nobody. Rivals are all confused and scared about Arsenal’s latest acquisition of Nobody and it remains to be seen if Nobody can end Arsenal’s long trophy draught. Apparently, only Nobody can do it!

More, later!

If you look at the League table right now, you will find us lying a bit uncomfortably at 7th place, with that team from Rugby Union pinching us in an irksome manner from right beneath. 30 points in 18 games is not good, but it is not that bad either considering a lot of things.

  1. The top three Giroud, Podolski and Theo are working together for the first time.
  2. The Central Three – Cazorla, Wilshere and Arteta are working together for the first time.
  3. Wilshere is back after a long time injury and needs games to actually command that jersey once held by the greatest Dutch player EVER.

Now, if we look at the team at the top of the table, those Red Devils at Manchester aren’t really kicking everybody’s balls either. They somehow scraped past Newcastle ‘nited in midweek as SAF spat four chewing gums into the four officials officiating that day. They are sixteen points ahead of us with one game played more. So, logically if they are 13 ahead of us and around 10 of those points coming from a Dutch Skunk we sold them this season, we are not really far behind in terms of quality based on the three considerations mentioned above. So, what is missing?

Consistency! Boom!

With experience and playing with each other on a much more regular basis and on a longer time frame, these players are sure to deliver. This is a quality Arsenal squad with decent squad depth, not ‘great’ depth though. With Diaby and Santos both returning in the first month of the new year, the entire squad will be up for selection except Arshavin and Chamakh, because they, to be very honest, are not at all considered as an option for Wenger.

Coming to consistency and matchday, today is where we start it all. Today we need to make Emirates a fort, make these travelers understand the difficulty of the task. We need to be positive from the word go and not let them get a sniff of victory. Come on you Gunners, let’s bring it!

For match preview – visit my Preview written here.

More, later! Up the Arsenal!

If you go back a decade in Arsenal world, you’ll find a squad rich in experience and Frenchness – almost something Arsene was comfortable with, though he speaks a hell lot of languages. I can recall Patrick Vieira (4), Robert Pires (7), Sylvian Wiltord (11), Thierry Henry (14), Pascal Cygan (18), Gael Clichy (22) and Jeremie Aliadiere (30) from the Invincibles squad, though I don’t think Aliadiere and Cygan picked up the League Winners’ medals. A decade later, Arsene is looking to change the model, he wants to make it a more English squad, the archetype followed by one George Graham many years back. Recently, we witnessed the “ceremony” wherein five English players extended their contract with the club, and that didn’t include Sir Theodore Anthony Walcott, who thinks he is the right man to be the next Tony Adams – and should duly get his expected wages – 100k/week.

Both Arsene and Jack, who is the ‘actual’ leader of the pack, spoke about this new model and the signing extension ceremony.

Arsene

“We have always produced a big number of players from within, but what we want to do is produce more local boys, which I think we are doing now. It’s the first time since I have been here that we have many English players in the team – or I should say British, because I include Aaron Ramsey in that. They all have the correct talent and quality. But the ideal model we want at Arsenal is to produce the core of the team from within our system, and then add exceptional talent from outside. We have always done it, first of all because it’s a guarantee of security and stability – we never want to go below a certain level,”

“Security and Stability” – Finally, Arsene understood the fact that to keep a secure and stable squad he needs to make an English core and then build on it with talent from elsewhere. You may feed oranges and sandwiches to the Cescs and the van Persies for some time, but eventually they will get bored and would want to move on.

Wilshere

“He’s always been there for me. He showed faith in me when I was 18, and he stuck with me throughout the whole time I was injured. He knew the only thing that would get me better is games, and he stood by me. I need to thank him for that, and yes, he was a big part of why I signed. This is my home, my family are 20 minutes away from the training ground, and my friends are all around here. I was brought up at this Club and it was an easy decision to extend my contract. We just needed to get a few things right, which didn’t take long and I’m really happy that my future is sorted. I’m very happy here. I’ve signed a long-term deal, I’m not 21 yet and I see my future here. We have got a good crop of young players, and good young English players as well. We’ve got Coquelin, Ramsey too – we are all coming through together and we are all improving as we get more experience. Chambo’s 19, I’m 20, Jenko is 20, Gibbs too. When you get to 25 or 26 that’s when you hit your peak and we all want to be here for that. We want to create something and we want to win things for Arsenal together.”

Bang on! First, he took a dig at van Persie, then he explained how things should be dealt in a sensible way, then made you sit and dream about that time when all these players will be at their peak of their abilities and win every football game they play together. “The English Fucking Juggernaut rolls on – 92 wins in a row, 17 trophies – what a team this is! Bravo Arsene” – The Times, 24th June, 2020.  See, what I did? I made you dream, I gave you hope!

It’s quite understandable while Arsene has moved the system from the Frenchness to the new Englishness, it has got more to do with the “Home-Grown” rule than the change of intent or liking towards a region of players for Arsene. He has now got more English young talent at his disposal than any other region. So, rightfully, he sat with the board (which would be himself) and decided to give all these players a future at the club. So, why not Theo? We’ll come to that tomorrow.

Hope you had an amazing Christmas! Tube Strike at London means no Arsenal tonight. More news as the game against the Magpies come along!

HoHoHoHo! Ohh…Damn…Later!

The most scary thing about writing a blog is – there is this slight possibility that somebody would read it, because, well, it is public. I left this space more than a year back but just couldn’t let it go. I think it brings sanity to my life – scribbling my way to epic randomness and a bit of Arsenal.

As I slowly dust off cobwebs from this blog, and make it clear and tidy for the future, I must say we, Arsenal, are slowly rising into some sort of prominence or shall we say consistency in this season. This team, with an induction of that bright spark, be it Kaka, be it David Villa, or even the reincarnation of Cliff Bastin into the body of Wilfred Redondo Macauly Zaha, can really turn the tide, we can challenge for honors within the next two seasons.

Talking of cobwebs, it is a sad end of the road for one Goner, Andrei Arshavin. The former Russian captain joined us four years back at the peak of his prowess. He delivered for one and a half seasons, but then totally lost the plot. We never saw the same Arshavin again. Even though Arshavin lost his form, the manager showed almost no faith on the lad when he could have easily given the man a few more chances. Arshavin is still one of our most creative players in the squad. The fact that makes him even more enjoyable is that he is direct – an archetype we really miss in this squad. Well, sigh, we are done with the Russian I guess. Come this transfer window, we might easily see the back of him.

After picking three wins in a row, Arsenal now sit at 4th place, and wait for their game against the Magpies. Tube strike means we don’t have a game on Boxing Day. Four wins in a row will be mighty tasty. Let’s wait for Santa Claus to come to town and leave us behind a few strikers, maybe!

More to come tomorrow, and the future!

Bring it on Gooners….

…..53 days since we signed Park Chu-Young…..

What was the point of signing him? We haven’t played him a minute of League football so far. Are we going to load enormous amount of pressure on RvP till he chokes, crocks and leaves? Citing the same old reason – Top signings weren’t made and hence I don’t see ambition and some such! A 26 year old striker who bangs in goals for South Korea even in his sleep is not even given a freaking chance to prove himself, Why?

Was the transfer a gimmick to bring in more Asian interest? Is this all about running a business now, Arsenal Football Club? Don’t make this hard for the fans. This ain’t funny any more. It is getting harder and harder by the day. Sure, we are trying to come back to the top half of the table – But who are we kidding? If Robin van Persie is rested one game, can The Arsenal pick a win? Arsene doesn’t even have that confidence, he will probably again start van Persie tonight against Marseille. Give the man a rest, not because he has over-burned himself, but because he deserves it.

In other news, Thomas Vermaelen has shown the middle finger to Samir Nasri by signing a new contract with the club. Does that mean he doesn’t want to win trophies? No, it is because he has fucking loyalty-understanding in his blood which the French Fucker doesn’t have!

To France tonight, on the injury front, no Gibbs, means Santos starting, Ramsey might not start, but giving Rozza two games in 4 days is dangerous with Stoke coming up in a few days. More so, coz Rozza was in scintillating form. It is THE major decision that the manager has to take, apart from that, the team looks quite easy to draw –

Lezczend – Jenkinson – Mertesacker – Koscielny – Santos – Song – Ramsey/Rosicky – Arteta – Yossi – Arshavin – RvP

Theo needs a rest not because he has earned it, but because..well..he needs to rest…and play some FIFA12 on console with JW and come back strong with his basics cleared.

To a great game tonight, for all of you who are travelling, have fun at France.

Come on Arsenal, lets get full points tonight!

Match LIVE on Ten Action+ in India – 12:15 am (Thursday Morning)

For the preview of all the matches tonight, this is where you need to go.

 

“We need to make the fans happy”

Alex Song

No, sir, you got that absolutely wrong. You don’t have to play for the fans. You play for Arsenal, you play for the crest, you play for the club, you play for Herbert Chapman, you play for Cliff Bastin, you play for Graham, you play for Jenkings, you play for Bergkamp, you play for Thierry, you play for Arsene! You fuckin’ should play for the CREST, the pride of North London – Arsenal!

The way Ramsey played on Sunday didn’t really look like he is aware of the tradition, history, pride of Arsenal. Is he aware of the rivalry? Is he aware of how Thierry and the likes gave their all when they played against Spurs? Arsenal never lost to Spurs in that particular period. It was massive. It is massive. You cannot drill the sentiments into a player, you cannot teach him how to be an Arsenal fan, you can only hope that he realizes it. ‘Realizes the importance of playing in that Red and White’.

Good form, good defending, good striking ability, these won’t bring Arsenal back from the grave. Only PRIDE will. The realization of playing for a fuckin’ great club will. If Aaron Ramsey wears the shirt, looks at the crest, feels the power of it, and understands the need to be fucking brilliant and 100% committed, only then he and his fellowmen will perform, only then will they turn things around, only then we will get our Arsenal back.

It’s not far away when ‘BlackScarfing’ could be a Global Gooner Phenomenon. Keeping my fingers crossed, that day never comes!

PLEASE. Come. on. you. Arsenal!

Enjoy the festival, live life! More, later!

Aloha boyz!

I woke up really early this morning to observe two minutes of silence and recited a prayer in Hebrew for our boys. No, we don’t run a pedophilic association, I meant for our boys in Red and White, apparently they are still not men. Having not downloaded a single game this season, I feel bad as well as disappointed about things at the club. [I download all games which Arsenal win ‘good’ every season]. How do we change things without being too drastic?

Well, first and foremost, let’s get through with this analogy. A game of football is like a war. Your goal is your fortress, you need to first think about protecting your goal and then if ‘made sure’ it is in ‘safe hands’, venture forward to attack and demolish your enemy. Simply put, if ya’ fuckin’ fortress ain’ guarded well maite, don’ fuckin’ venture forward maite!

Arsene hit the nail on its head by admitting the fact that the team needs to defend like a..well…team. The four defenders as per their designation will do their jobs, I understand, but the rest of the team needs to pitch in too. Look at Wayne Rooney, he is sometimes the last defender during set-pieces for Manchester United. He makes sure that his goal is protected first and only then does he spray passes to that Portuguese guy who scores like …fuck…lets not even go there! Depresses the shit outta me.

Up next in a few hours – Bolton, who used to be our nemesis a few years back when that gum-chewing fat Sam was at the helm. Now, they have Coyle, who loves Arsene more than he loves his wife, which means, they are not going to ‘rough it up’ against us. So, boys, go get them! Concentrate. Defend Well. Wingers, cover your Full Backs! Song, DO NOT leave your half, please ‘Dortmund’ the visitors! Strikers, well, take your chances! All is gonna be good, yeah!

For proper Match Preview, click this – Written by @Amlan_Majumdar.

Bring it on. Come On Arsenal! 

Until, later!